the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
