4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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