seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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