Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
