My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
