Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
MIDGETS
????
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
