Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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