I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
