): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
