1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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