You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
