This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
