guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
