Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His nipple licking is glorious
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