i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
