just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
