wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
