i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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