Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
