I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
