please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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