I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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