the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
