I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
