if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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