she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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