There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
