It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
