No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We are two peas in an std pod
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
