forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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