omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
