a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
