walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
