STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
