I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
