you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
