K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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