where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
