Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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