Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
