Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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