Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
