dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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