her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
