Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
