if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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