ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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