Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
