haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
