11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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