i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
