You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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